Am I living my happiest period in my life?

Lastly I've been very busy moving home, going to HEMA event, obtaining my firearms license or doing a swords performance in a night club.

Now I'm facing a "more or less" stable situation which had no precedent in my life; I always had a lot of responsibilities, fears and...

Dancing with swords

The videos:

• https://notbornval.com/video/notbornval/mascaramuerteroja1.mp4
• https://notbornval.com/video/notbornval/mascaramuerteroja2.mp4

There's a lot I could say about this. It's not that I think we've redefined the entertainment world or anything like that, but from a personal perspective, in relation to my gender identity and other paradigms,...

The Complementary Void

It's not exactly an established definition, but I call the complementary void that space where someone should be, but isn't, for whatever reason. If they had never been there, it would be a regular void like any other, and nothing would happen. But because the person existed, their subsequent absence is noticeable, probably painful, or at least awakens certain feelings that aren't always discussed.

The obvious case of a complementary void occurs with the death of a person, and...

The game is to create a title and synopsis for a gangster movie with anachronistic swords.

My Useless Skills

I've been thinking about my skills in order to prepare for my future and my new life, and I've realized that I'm rather not suited to the context of our hyper-specialized society. Almost everything I can do (except, I suppose, programming) is essentially useless:

• Sword fighting: I've invested so much time in this that I could have gotten a university degree instead. Of course, that doesn't mean the degree is useful either.
• Endless aerobics: I can run 10 km at a 4-minute...

My new town.

"Matarrubia" can be translated as "kill-a-blonde-girl".

I have a blonde wig, and also two handed swords. I'm ready.

This night I had a lucid dream. I didn't have a lot in my life, and all of them was about relevant conversations with my dead mother, or with the... janitor of the matrix...

But this one had no revelations, just freedom and fun.

So first I changed my genitals into a full female set. I thought it would be nice to test it... but I wanted to fly! And I could, strong and fast but with limits: I did lost speed when I went up, and needed to...

I now have a dotanuki, yay! I've already written a bit about it recently, but I think the subject deserves another paragraph or two. Maybe a couple of pages. It'll be short. Well, maybe not short enough… but at least I'll divide it into sections.

Part One: No sword is such as popular.

I don't think there's a weapon with as much associated mystique as katanas. The stories that spread misinformation, exaggerations, and legends have not only crossed all territorial borders and boarded multiple artistic...

“I call home any place where there’s a nail to hang my raincoat and knife.”

It’s an old naval saying that has always impressed me, and while it’s a bit exaggerated, it certainly speaks to a nomadic and unstable lifestyle in which the individual reflects on what is strictly necessary around which they can build a decent existence.

Almost everyone I know seems aligned with the idea of ​​having something to call “home.” A reasonably comfortable, everyday, and definitely stable environment to which...

More than just dancing

I remember when I started my transition journey, I loved going out dancing. It was practically the only thing I did, because I was absolutely terrified of doing anything else, like getting gas or buying bread.

It's amazing how much progress you can make when you just do things. Now, not only can I get gas or buy bread as Valeria, but I've even managed to buy a house and the subsequent renovations, among many other things... like going out dancing. I still really enjoy dancing;...

Graphene in my Hand!

In this phase of my cyberpunk life, stuck in a city, I've acquired enough stability to aboard small projects lasting just a few days—enough to distract me from my situation, but not enough to hold me back for too long.

I thought having a mobile phone free from corporate influence would fall into this category, but the truth is, it's been disappointingly easy.

How did I get here?

My masculine personality did its best to stay out of the control of national and foreign...

Lately, I'M feeling really overwhelmed.

I suppose there are a few reasons for this, given the instability of my current situation. I have no idea what my fate holds, nor how the destruction of so many of the anchors of my existence up to this point will affect me.

But even from the hazy confusion of someone like me, who lives in constant episodes of dissociative identity disorder, I can find some light and extract useful information because… because I'm not an idiot. So I can navigate through the...

Hello, cyberians. Trans cyberpunk warrior here asking for your help.

Don't worry, I'm not asking for money, but for advice, or even simple ideas.

My house is being sold, and with it, the last remnant of my past. It's a difficult situation, but also an opportunity to start a new life. So, if I enter in the typical flux "buy other house, get a work..." I will probably miss my last chance in this life to do something different.

Summarizing my last content:

-...

I think I'm getting somewhere, both in these short texts about my crossroad and at the crossroad itself. In any case, I can't cover my strange life in its entirety, and although I've already written about my abilities and the milestones I've achieved with them, there are also many negative things that can be said about me.

I think it all comes from the fact that I really hate the world I live in. It's not that I think "past was better", but I certainly find the present deeply repulsive, and because of...

Some people say I love nature. I think there's a reason for that, because I've spent my whole life in a rural village (even though I worked in a big city). I have enough knowledge, I've train skills, but I wouldn't say I love nature. I respect nature: it tried to kill me too many times.

I know I wouldn't want to live in a city. I like being able to leave my house and see no one, I like doing outdoor activities, I like being able to go running in completely empty places, and very occasionally nature gifts...

I don't know if I am a violent person or not: I am used to dealing with aggressive situations, but I never react with anger. I think my father was the opposite: he hated violence but always reacted with anger.

My parents always raised me to be a peaceful person, but I always wanted war toys, or at least toys with little swords. This may be unusual for a transgender person, so perhaps my gender identity is a little unusual.

At fifteen, I got tired of being the weak one. Although I lived in an...

I think you could say I'm a creative person. I've always been interested in writing my own stories and have participated in lots of artistic activities. In fact, when I was 16, I wrote my first novel while my teachers were trying to make me conform to the education system.

I started taking it seriously around 2005, when I began writing not only novels but also role-playing games, which led to co-participations such as “Black Sword” and “Fragile.”...

Dealing with my damaged perception of pleasure

I shared here in other posts I had (probably) depression and dissociative disorder. As a cause or effect, I also have trouble enjoying things formerly I liked.

Lastly I can't get hooked enough to play a video game for more than 30 minutes, and the same thing happens to me with most movies.

It also doesn't help that modern art has succumbed to consumer trends that promote models I don't really like by themselves.

And, you know... why to play a videogame...

Last week I wrote about my life activity, including eating habits, training and martial arts, and included two short mentions about meditation. I think these activities are part of a whole, and the benefits would not be so obvious if they were not integrated.

So, I started meditating at the age of sixteen. My father had a lot of books, and heard (from others) a story about how calm he was during a medical procedure, so I read his books and...

I believe the best decision I've ever made was investing in my health.

I guess otherwise my life is not a success at all. I’m a trans who has screw up all around me, have no family, no work, no relationships, failed in a lot of projects... but I have health.

I’ve been the last twenty years reading a lot of studies about what was better for my health, and acted consequently. I’ve been depressed, I’ve been lost, I’ve been injured, but always been coherent and disciplined with my choices.

I’ll try to...