I don't know if I am a violent person or not: I am used to dealing with aggressive situations, but I never react with anger. I think my father was the opposite: he hated violence but always reacted with anger.

My parents always raised me to be a peaceful person, but I always wanted war toys, or at least toys with little swords. This may be unusual for a transgender person, so perhaps my gender identity is a little unusual.

At fifteen, I got tired of being the weak one. Although I lived in an exceptionally safe environment, my high school was in a troubled town full of skinheads protected by the police. Attacks on gay or different people were common. Being trans was totally out of the question, so I tried to be a "tough guy", and since I didn't know how to be one, I acted by imitation.

I joined a bodybuilding gym, and a couple of years later I was working as a nightclub bouncer. I knew the nightlife scene firsthand, got scars, saw horrible things, and although I never touched drugs or prostitution, I saw them closely.

A few years later, I left that life behind and used the money I had earned to publish some books (ties with my previous post). But in any case, I never stopped training, which became an integral part of my life.

However, my most fulfilling moment as a violent person would not come until many years later, when I began practicing historical European martial arts (HEMA), and I have achieved my greatest degree of peace by being able to evolve in this facet.

Today, I practice more than ten hours a week including classes and combat at the Carranza academy, where I also share my life with other students and teachers with whom I have a lot of affinity. They shown me exceptional support, even during my gender transition process.

I don't know why I like it so much, but I do. I'll never be the best, but every time I fight, I feel like I was born to do it. As a result, I have developed a certain normalization of the violence that underlies other contexts.

This does not mean that I am going to win every fight, but I suppose I have internalized combat, and anyway, it seems preferable to dying by my own hand.

I believe that my relationship with violence will accompany me as I move forward at this crossroad in my life, and I would like to maintain my relationship with the people at "sala Carranza".