Profile

I GOT A PROJECT I NEED HELP WITH
It's NSFW, but involves a website, server, websockets I think, some real technical stuff and I don't know where else to turn. I vibecoded the shite out of the HTML page I wanna use, I'll be real, because I didn't wanna burden anyone with my filth, but now comes the almost purely technical part and I feel brave enough to ask for help with that
You will be paid
Not a lot, I'm kinda broke, but it's not nothing
Send me a C-Mail if you're interested

At some point, I've forgotten why I like the music I listen to
My music taste is so diverse, only because of the messages behind these songs
With time, ear candy was all they became... until I started listening more closely again
And it's like I'm meeting myself again.

It feels like I'm constantly waiting for the world to pull the sickest joke on me and tell me I'm actually not a good singer. A few people I don't know, sure, I can believe I'm decent. Almost everyone? You're fricking with me.
I know it's illogical too because I have over a decade in choir classes, I take recordings every day of the snippets of songs I like the most that day, obsess over getting them up to my standards, I know I'm a good (not great) singer. But I'm still waiting on that...

I've been severely lacking in mental stimulation lately
Yeah I can pay the bills, pay for groceries, whatever, I'M BORED.
I want an AYN THOR. Let me play the games of my childhood
I want a FLIP PHONE

I want someone to do for me what I would do for them
I want for someone to know me, for someone to see me as I am and accept me, not for who I pretend to be
I want for someone to hear the music I listen to and know all the things I feel inside, because just like the music I listen to, I require that you look a little longer. Stick around, notice the little things you didn't before that justify other parts of me. And then you will see that I'm more than the sum of these parts

... Did I
Did I eat too much garlic Tabasco???
Not sure what I could've eaten that'd have my intestines so fucky wucky

YOU KNOW WHAT.
I WAS RIGHT.
I wouldn't be able to handle Adventure Time. I just stumbled into Finn meeting his MOM. Like his actual, genetic MOTHER. I learned that magic stems from madness, sadness and hate, and that makes me question every silly, funny little thing that's happened. How sane every creature that can use magic really is. Finn built a TOWER to try and reach his dad so he can RIP OFF HIS ARM.

If I ever decide to go through with watching the show, following every other show and its...

It's always bittersweet when I see a meme involving a dog or cat and I know they've left us. It's bitter, yes, but how grateful I am that you were here for this short time to delight us with your whimsy.

Thurston, Gabe, Grumpy Cat, and all the others, you were loved by so many.

I had a dream last night where I got an android dual screen handheld. I was ecstatic, but no matter what happened in the dream, all I ever did with it was open it and close it. I never turned it on.
I believe that's because my mind didn't know how to fill in the gaps and decided to make me feel as if I'd always have time later to try using it, so I just kept it with me, wherever I went inside the dream. It felt good just holding it. When I woke up, I was a little sad it wasn't still with me.

Again and again in the world, always ringing with "tick-tocks"
Touching the heartless words and loud voices
Even if tears are about to spill
if it were the two of us together
I'm sure mundane happiness could be found

It doesn't matter who the center of that longing is, it's less about the person, and more about the yearning. Mundane happiness. Could there be such a thing? I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I definitely have a lot going for me at the moment, but I feel like something is missing....

I remember when I was very little
Skyward Sword was something I wanted very much, and we already had a Wii, but I was too scared to go past the first flower enemy, coming into the forest area
My brother (was my sister at the time) decided he'd play the game instead, and I always looked up to him for it because it meant I could continue to see the game and meaningfully interact beyond just looking at a screen, I could say something and influence the outcome
It gave me something to look forward to. I...

If I fall to hell then I can save my soul from doom
If I fly to heaven I can see you very soon
Horribly, horribly
Punish me in hell for all the sin I breed

You will fly to heaven where the world is pure and new
If they pardon all my sins, can I be there with you?
Come with me, come with me
You deserve a happy death, or rest in peace

This song yearns so strongly, and I'm reminded how it feels to want for something so badly that it hurts. It's so bittersweet

I feel the oddest sense of surety when I find out a piece of media released before 2020 is what I'm looking at

What I'm seeing was made with the hands of a human being, I can be confident of that. It feels like consuming that media is "safer". Whether I know for a fact it was made by a human or not, there will always be that slight doubt in the back of my mind, and it only goes away when I confirm the date. I view media before that time as a raw means of creative expression, its texture rougher because I...

There was a time when I believed that those who created works of art that could inspire fear and dread in the comfortable, or a sense of belonging or shared misery in the disturbed would always end up alright in the end, because as great and magnificent as those pieces are, they took planning. Every piece, meticulously thought out. But I'm starting to believe that's not the case anymore.
I'm a singer, and while I limit myself to small clips that get no money or recognition because of my relatively small...

It doesn't look like I'm sleeping tonight
I thought it would stop after a bit, that all the bugs in our home were because the home has only recently finished being built, and that whatever was here before was still in here, it just needs to die
But I'm pretty sure bugs are getting in somehow. I see ants in the bathroom, and I've avoided looking too close in my bedroom for my sanity, but the moment I check, I see ants along the bottoms of my walls near the door of the room
I don't think I can sleep...

I was thinking about it actually
The internet has gotten too connected
There used to be mystery when it came to games, and information was spread by word of mouth
A game that has a secret ending no longer has a secret ending, it has an alternate ending with a bit of work
As silly as it was, I believed Waluigi existed in Super Mario 64 DS
I really did. Because the thought that somehow, someone hasn't discovered something yet was so intriguing, that any "footage" of the event felt as if it came...

Little bit of an NSFW post

I find myself feeling the draw towards single player games, because they allow me to pause at a moments notice to divert my attention somewhere else, like one of my pets who might need me for some fun~

Every time one of them messages me and I'm playing a game like Peak, I have to make the decision to either continue the game with those I was already playing with, or push them aside to focus on the one who messaged me, and that kinda blows

I'm really looking forward to when I...

I had my dream last night, and it was one of the only times I recognized that I was dreaming

When I realized, I rushed to find a poster on the wall so I could verify I couldn't make sense of what it was saying. I couldn't, it looked alien, like it was trying to be readable and failing

It was honestly horrifying, and then I realized the fear from that moment didn't wake me up. It was only after doing something after that I did, and I was relieved that it was over

I'm laying down in my bed at the duplex for the first time, and... well it's different

I'm really looking forward to getting my desk and chair in here so I can start plugging in all my stuff

In other news, I've committed the deadly sin gluttony because of that food I ate earlier
I wanted so badly to keep the experience of eating the food from degrading, that I just ate whenever I felt I had space to put it. It was incredible food, but I'm gonna need to order something else next time x3

This Mediterranean food place, Pasha Mediterranean, JESUS
It damn near beat the autism out of me, I didn't even CARE that the skin was left on the potatoes, it tasted so good I could not give a shit what it had on there

The texture?
Great
The garlic sauce?
Great
The rice?
Great
The hummus?
You fucking know it's great