Either the best or useless

Recently i went to a bar with friends, and somehow the conversation turned to the idea that you're either the best or you're fucking useless.

Music is my passion, and I've been at it for 7 years, but I feel like I'm stagnating and getting worse at it. I can't even force myself to sit down at the computer and record a couple of bars of a single riff.

And they told me: if I want to be the best, why am I just sitting on my ass doing nothing? I know tons of people who play, so why don't I play with them?

They're right about some of it, but it's so hard to push myself... And in theory, to become the best at this, I'd have to quit my job, lock myself in a room and play 24/7. But I don't want to be unemployed and live off my mom either.

It feels like I've locked myself in my cozy little bubble, and every day I'm becoming a worse version of myself. I can't even remember the last time I cried from grief or longing. I can't get out of my comfort zone, and after talking to the guys it's even harder now that I realize it.

Right now I'm sitting outside smoking on a break from work, listening to Radiohead's In Rainbows again, trying to find a soft spot to break through so I get emotionally torn apart once more.

I'm genuinely afraid of getting stuck in this state and staying an amateur bartender and a wannabe musician forever.

Honestly, I feel like some whiny little brat complaining about nothing, guys ദ്ദി(ᵔᗜᵔ).