BSdays4+5

This week has been kind of a lot. Most of the group discussions have been centered on a topic and how it relates to specific emotions, and how to utilize various skills to address those emotions. Thoughts lead to emotions, emotions lead to behaviors, behaviors lead out outcomes. Do you act opposite to the emotion? Do you fact check or practice mindfulness to reevaluate the emotion itself? Or do you de-fuse the thought from the feeling at the most base level?

The classes all have the same basic structure. "Today, we're going to be talking about [broad categorization]. What does that mean for the people here?" We answer whenever we are moved to answer, but there is a preferred method to speaking in group. Lean on "I" statements. "In my experience, I've felt-" yadda yadda. Be unafraid to take up space, but at the same time be aware of how much space you're taking up, and let others have room too. Don't give advice to others, that's what the therapists are for.

Once we chat for a bit, we get a handout. It starts with "What does the situation look like-" or "what sort of situation causes" or something to that effect. Then it either follows the thoughts -> emotions -> behaviors pathway, or it asks us to do a cost/benefit analysis of our habits for that situation. Now, let me be clear: this is not unhelpful. I find it very elucidating to break it down, give names to the feelings, and discuss management techniques.

I also appreciate this in the group setting. I can hear how other people relate to the situations that stress me out. I can hear how situations that I can't relate to on the surface are still connected with the core emotions, habits, and coping mechanisms I've held for years. We can work together discussing what works for each one of us. Take what works and leave the rest. I will say, however, that I'm apprehensive about several months of this. After 5 or so straight hours of combing through my psyche in a classroom setting, I'm about ready to burrow underground and hibernate.

One specific note: once a week, we get to do art therapy. The prompt yesterday was "accumulating happy moments". My brother and his wife visited the city this past weekend. For a few days, I was truly worry-free. I love my family so much, and I want to protect that feeling. I'm worried the drawing of them isn't very kind. I'll probably never show them, at least not for some years. But, I got to create something and connect with a strong, positive emotion throughout it. It was really, really, nice.

[JK]