BSday6

Literally, in the last post, I mentioned how all of the worksheets we get follow the exact same structure. Well, today, we were finishing up our worksheets and the group therapist pointed out: "Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Where's the skills column? The last column is always skills!' Well, here's the deal-" yeah, we didn't discuss skills. Reason being, today we had a lecture on ACT. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Being human comes with pain. Uncomfortable memories, trauma, emotions and thoughts, physical sensations. It's all painful. I took the coping mechanisms I'd used before (SUSHI¹, isolating, people-pleasing, reassurance-seeking) to get temporary relief. Problem is, those mechanisms come with negative repercussions down the line. Shame, guilt, loneliness, emotional and physical scars, among lots of others. As a human, it is inherently impossible to not have painful feelings and thoughts. You cannot not feel them. The mindset we studied today is kind of foundational, asking us "what happens when we inevitably feel them?"

Step one, accept that there will be pain, and accept the emotions as they are. I might find temporary relief, but there will always be a knock-on effect to that. Step one-and-a-half, check on my values. I care about being kind. I care about being intentional. I care about being strong. Step two: commit to act in alignment with my values. Commit to healthier behaviors. Accept and Commit. We didn't study specific skills because this is foundational. This is why I'm working on this. The point isn't to not be anxious. The point is to be healthy, regardless of the anxiety that will be there no matter what.

I also had a good one-on-one with my therapist. I have a treatment plan with some smart goals on it. I was open about work, and I think he has a better idea of who I am as a person. We had a very productive conversation. I also updated my emergency contact and got info on updating my preferred name. I even got to play wallball for a bit on my lunch break. I can't tell you how long it's been since I simply played with a bouncy ball. It was so. Nice.

[JK]

¹SUSHI is an acronym that stands for Substance Use, Self Harm, and Ideation (suicidal/homicidal). It is a catchall for our most self-destructive tendencies. Learning about it has managed to completely ruin seafood for me in the span of just a few days.