BSday22

Hard to believe I'm already past 4 weeks of partial hospitalization. I'm officially graduating... into intensive outpatient. I'll still be going to brain school, just short days. Then, 4 days a week. Then, 3 days a week. Eventually, complete graduation and return to work. I'm still like a third of the way through the entire process, but it's stressful to think about not being at the facility. It's such a safe welcoming space, and I've had lots of opportunity to practice my art and partake in my hobbies.

Maybe it's appropriate that today's lesson was on "Cope Ahead". There is an umbrella of mental health called Emotional Regulation. "It's not about feeling better; it's about getting better at feeling!" So, the aim is not to 'cure' anxiety. The aim is to be able to live with anxiety. The back half of this week has been focusing on an ABC acronym. First, Accumulate positive emotions. Do things that feel good in the short term, and are values-aligned in the long term. Second, Build mastery. Set goals in service to the above, and try to generate an ongoing sense of accomplishment. Last, Cope ahead for problematic situations.

Returning to work is stressful. I'll probably feel anxious, overwhelmed, and frustrated. That can lead to behaviors like isolation, and dopamine dumping, and SUSHI (my most self-destructive tendencies). Keeping that all in mind, what are things I can do around the event to lessen the distress?

Beforehand, I can focus on sleeping, eating, exercising, etc. A solid foundation of physical needs makes mental tolls harder to pay. Am I hungry or tired? I'm probably gonna get cranky, and that'll make handling the distress that much harder. I can seek support from my friends and loved ones. I can set boundaries with coworkers, and practice saying "no".

During my return to work, I can utilize distress tolerance skills. Am I about to have a panic attack? Ice cube on my neck. If I'm feeling an urge to act against my values, I can check it against them (is isolating inline with my value of Community? Is self-harm inline with my value of Kindness?). If I have an intrusive thought, I can de-fuse my emotions from it and put the thought on trial.

After my return to work, I can check the facts. Using neutral self-talk, I can explore what I did, how I did it, and how I felt. I can be self-compassionate, and I can lean on my support network.

There are a lot of really fantastic skills I'm learning at the facility. It's just a matter of practicing them so they become muscle memory when I really need them. I really believe I'm in the best position of my life, and going through this FMLA is probably the best thing I've ever done. It is not absent of stress, and I am very apprehensive about returning to work... and I am very proud of myself for working hard to get here.

[JK]