Anxiety and Fear

It is once again 1 AM and I'm scared. I'm once again petrified by the idea of not being able to fall asleep. I've become paranoid enough to be able to instill fear into myself.

I hate sleep. I hate laying there in bed alone with my head. No drugs to protect me from the endless anxiety my head provides.

I wonder if I'm alone in this. This anxiety that slowly chips away at your sanity until there's nothing left but fear of once again being unable to function as a human being.

Perhaps I'm no more than a defective product. An elmo doll that has its eyes stitched slightly crooked. An elmo doll that made through the machine and into a family's care, a family that would do everything to help elmo. Nonetheless a broken doll remains such no matter the love you pour into them.

I wish I could turn off my head. Be able to take it off and enjoy the silence. I can't.