had it coming to me

just recently had my first experience of somebody yelling "faggot" at me from a passing car... and then a couple days ago on Threads (yeah i know), i got brigaded by 'phobes and right-wingers, and had like ~50-60 comments bullying me both for my looks and for being trans, on a post with about 5 photos of me looking, honestly, pretty cute for my age, and really happy. i tried for a long time to keep up, to bite back as viciously as i could. eventually i just couldn't keep up with the deluge and gave up.

basically, they won. by numbers - really by any metric. they won. they got to me too. i let it take the wind out of my sails.

it's shocking how brutal people can be for no fucking reason than for the sheer glee of ruining somebody's day.

anyway, the most fascinating thing is that i reported so many of these comments, and they're all still there. but Meta deleted one of mine where i fought back. i appealed it, and within minutes, they reiterated that they would not restore my reply.

i got the message. i've internalized it. it's completely ok to abuse me — and i can't do a thing about it.