My birthday’s coming up soon, and it’s starting to feel less like a release from all the stress of the year and more like another drop of stress in the bucket of anxiety.

For starters I have no idea what I want to do, who to invite, or if I even want to do anything at all. There’s very few people I call friends I actively don’t want to invite, but I’m worried about inviting the wrong combination of friends (people who fight a lot, or who’re in a relationship, etc.), and I’m starting to just lose interest entirely.

I’ve already lost interest in a lot of things after being depressed for a while, and I’ve always loved celebrating my birthday, but even last year it started to feel like a burden.

I’m also conflicted on my wishlist, because I only want a couple things but they’re all really expensive and I’m starting to feel guilty asking for them. I’ve also done zero work to send out said list or ask people if they’re free for a party (namely because I have no idea what to do), and at this point I’ve only got days to prepare for it (June 11th).

Once again one of those unsatisfying conclusion posts, stay tuned for if I figure this out I guess.