I remember experiencing mania for the first time
It was quite a wild feeling

My analytical mind kicked in and questioned it
"Why? What reason do I have to be as happy as I am right now?"
It didn't make sense, and it made me nervous, despite how happy I felt in that moment
I know for a fact I was under 18 because I was still living with my dad and stepmom. Maybe even under 15
It was way back when I still owned my PS4 and PSVR. I had stayed up all night for the nth time in a row because of how free I was during the night, I never wanted it to end and face another day
I won't get into it here, but if I could go back and do it all over again, leaving behind whatever I've built here... well I can't say I wouldn't be tempted

My mom is happy, she has a well paying job, earning enough to support the both of us if it really came down to it, but I'm doing okay as well
She's been sober for many years now, and is even a sponsor for someone in her AA group

We're moving into a duplex soon, I'll have my own privacy
I'll get to eat whatever food I want, and spend time cooking with my mom
I get to stay at home, doing what I love
My mania when it comes and goes makes sense now. I feel safe enough to lean into it, and I feel like that's in part because of the hard work I've put in over the years