For some reason, I just want to think of all the times I've seen both my mom and dad in the same room together
Maybe they weren't always good times
I'm listening to the "No thoughts head empty" mix on Youtube, the one that got taken down by Nintendo ninjas
I see a frutiger aero playlist in the suggested videos beside it, and the thumbnail fills me with the oddest sense of comfort
I look at frutiger aero aesthetic art and images and I feel... almost robbed
That exists, just on the other side of this screen
The music I'm listening to right now doesn't match what I'm feeling inside
So I switched to a frutiger aero mix instead
I'm bitter about what I was never given, and no matter what I do in the here and now, it'll stay the same
It feels like I'm chewing on something bitter and doing so because I deserve it
For being dumb enough to really believe it could've turned out any other way?
For wanting to believe the decency of mankind would win and save us from this damned future we live in?
I feel my eyes welling up and I know crying wouldn't fix anything

I've never not been a cautious optimist/pessimist
I'll never expect good but be surprised when good happens, yet also believe there's inherent good within people that can be acted upon, and that that good needs to be ignored for evil to rise
I guess that's why I feel so hurt by the collective decisions of... humanity
It just doesn't make sense to me that a person with power over so many would go out of their way to make the lives of everyone but them worse
...
I've stopped taking my meds because I've noticed I was running low
It's been a week or two
I'm never in danger, I'd never do something that drastic
But I really don't like feeling this way
It scares me.

Hold on, why am I sad? ?w?
I'm pissed, anyone who's knowingly made these decisions to make our lives worse needs to go to hell