Am I living my happiest period in my life?

Lastly I've been very busy moving home, going to HEMA event, obtaining my firearms license or doing a swords performance in a night club.

Now I'm facing a "more or less" stable situation which had no precedent in my life; I always had a lot of responsibilities, fears and angers, so always lived in tension. In Spain we would say "apretando el culo".

In my current situation, my past does not pursue me, so I can begin building what I chose (if I have the resources for...).

I turned my back on everything that adulthood means, a bit like the guy in "American beauty"... And I feel free and pretty good about it; it might be the best period of my life. I really needed some rest from my previous struggle.

But I think it is not too much, and if I call this "happiest period" is because the rest of my life was not good at all. In a standards point of view, I don't even have a life at all. People have works, love and projects, and I have nothing, and honestly, even have little interest to do efforts in this sick sad world... but even doing I think I would probably get nothing.

I feel like in this "game of life" I drew bad cards. No terrible cards, as I was born in a good place and had a mother who loved me, and I have unbreakable health and never feel tired... but I have a card that says I'm trans and I can't be in HRT or surgeries, and other that says I probably have dissociative personality disorder. And have other bad cards.

I can't have a couple relationship (even a bad one!!), and my friendships are also limited, and it will probably get worse in the isolated town of "Matarrubia".

And from resignation to this reality arises what I have to call the happiest period in my life. Not because it truly is happiness (I know other people in better situation who are devastated), but because it's better than anything I've experienced so far.

If you have an opinion, or advice, or point of view... please, reply.