Reposting with the NSFW tag. Thank you for the heads up regarding this @kaguya and @genghis_khan ! I will be more mindful of this moving forward <3

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TW: Mentions of suicide, C-PTSD, Dissociation

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I wish people thought more,

just a bit more before they spoke.

Egg shells be damned

my triggers could use a sec

to reset before I choke

on the hairs

they are made from.

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Careless critiques

Of which were never asked:

“You published it on the internet!“

-I shared it to make people smile-

“People are mean sometimes”

-I created it out of passion-

“You were so cringy back then”

-you have no idea what that boy was going through-

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So no

I’d rather not watch snapshots of my traumatized self

from my old YouTube channel.

I start feeling dizzy

whenever I try to,

as a matter of fact.

And I’m not too fond of how

my script will suddenly change to…

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to………………………………………………

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Setting: My bedroom, summer of 2015

Close up: My bedroom doorknob

Item: Belt

Me: 16 going on 78.6 years old

and MORE than ready for

MY version of an

“Average life span”

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What motivated me to change that script?

Was it myself?

My potential?

My siblings?

My martyrdom?!

(how self centered of me)

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leading to this

unfortunate summer

i had allowed my passion

to drive me

straight into the arms of

| deconstructive criticism |

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i watched from the back seat

in horror

as the takeaway was vengeance,

leaving all of my hard work and passion

misconstrued

myopically viewed

internally skewed

eternally swirling

whirling thoughts of

“BUT WOULD I????”

spiraling down the staircase leading to

---

.-.

One

Complex

Door

.-.

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i was just a kid

anticipating the premiere.

Gawking at the before and after.

effects inspired by

a craving for the lime light

that i was unfortunately born with

and raised on movies that showcased

every band of brothers named Ryan being saved.

Despite all of this,

my childish yearning summed up as:

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| a threat to others |

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Even though im not

never would be,

never COULD be.

Even if my life depended on it.

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The “dismissed” version of me still hides after my lessons in

“Making Yourself Palatable 101”

Based on how well he is at hiding himself,

I’m willing to bet he did great on the final exam.

i do hope we see each other again someday,

just so that I can tell him

“You have no idea how proud of you that i am”