My childhood frienemy passed away this past weekend. It’s torn me up in ways I didn’t think possible (until now) and WAY too many memories came flooding back when I heard.

In the past, anytime someone brought up his name it’d bring back nothing but the worst memories between us. Now though, the only thing I could think about were all of the good memories we had when we were kids…and how terrible I feel for his parents.

No parent should ever have to bury their child. I hope to never understand that pain the way they do right now. They loved their boy no different than I love mine: unconditionally.

Everything I’m seeing about him online seems like he’s changed for the better, not to say that I didn’t also my own faults in our friendship.

He pushed my buttons a LOT in middle school. One day I snapped and literally broke my hand over his face. My growth plate was shattered in the chaos, as did whatever chance of a friendship we had left at the time. Now all I’m left with is a scar from the pin they used to fix my hand, one middle finger permanently shorter than the other, and this awful feeling that under different circumstances, maybe we could’ve become friends again.

I would’ve loved for you to have met my family, Lou, and I would’ve loved to meet yours. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for whatever part I played in us growing apart. Maybe in a different life we could’ve been better friends, but for now I guess I’ll see you when I see you.