Now that I’m in my thirties I deal with a lot of loneliness while reminiscing about exciting things I’ve done with others in the past, or the kindness and love people have shown me. I miss having a -group- of friends particularly. Campfires, exploring new cities, restaurants, road trips, going to conventions, crashing on couches, that sort of thing.

I had taken a step back from unhealthy influences (people who drank too much or didn’t understand social boundaries) and my closest friends have moved, so I spend a lot of time by myself… Other than the loved ones I have left I generally go months without any real social interaction. The isolation is probably quite severe and mentally unhealthy, but I somehow feel okay otherwise. I think the people I do have left are probably the most special and supportive I’ve had. Meeting new people is difficult because I honestly don’t have a lot of patience for others as much as I used to.

I remember the last time I went to a pub (last year)… one of my friends left early in the night, so I ended up sitting alone for about an hour just watching people sing karaoke while everything carried on around me. The bartender lady kept checking in on me, asking if I was okay even after I said I was fine a few times, and afterward I couldn’t help but wonder if I’m starting to show some kind of sadness on my face.