Well....lifes back to being shit again...

Hey i write a lot in this style if it sounds like a story its not im just writing in my notes app when life well...happens so yeah read and if u wanna try to give me some advice please do any other comments are not appreciated or needed thankyou now here are my notes (trigger warning for people who cant read big walls of unstructured text sorry not sorry):

I want to move to Germany for a year and see how it is compared to Tokyo and if my dad says no to that then commiting to living there is also ok.

Reasons why I wanna move:

even though life is better at times we keep running into issues and I very much feel like I can't express when I disagree and I've tried but I get scared of telling my true feelings

I think even though my social life in German wasn't good 5 years ago that now I would manage much better even though ofcourse it wouldn't be perfect.

I'll add more later.

Ok wait what the actual fuck.... Im eating dinner right now at a restaurant with my dad and his gf and I said that one side of my jaw hurts so much right after getting my braces renewed 2 days ago and I expected a reaction or reply instead I got "仕方ない" from my dad's girlfriend which means "can't do nothing about it I don't care enough to say anything else" (not the literal translation btw ) and she also added that she feels I'm just complaining which is like.... Ok? Can I not say things that bother me and get a reaction? My dad just seemed annoyed that I'm complaining again... Ok holy shit it just got worse I was walking back from the restaurant with my ear pods in trying to not exist and get into bed as fast as possible to escape the situation and then my dad suddenly after 7 minutes of silence turns around and says he's sick of my BS and asks right there in the middle of the road while I'm super stressed and not up for a big life altering question if I hate my life in japan so much do I wanna move to Germany. Internally my answer is 100 percent yes but I start stammering and not answering because I'm like I said super stressed etc and he then calls me an asshole for denying my earlier answer of not liking my life in japan. I finally say that I wanna move to Germany rather than living here and he tells me in a mad/angry fucking voice to message my mom myself...