Dont read this if you cant deal with me making stupid decisions and saying stupid stuff

Hi i dont know wether its smart to post this propably not but i am in japanese class and i live in tokyo i used to live in germany im fully german and i wrote down all my thoughts no matter how dumb or insensitive or annoying they sound or how random they are

Im in japanese class and i was told there was supposed to be a test so i thought everyone quite and writing and then everyone pulled out a paper and started writing and now i am super lost and i tried to use translation like google translate etc but it didnt work well so i tried deep L and some other AI powered ones and i think its about choosing a favorite word and writing about it but honestly all the different translations are so confusing and im told to "do my work" when i dont even understand instructions or why i am here or why im scared of switching schools even though i really want to or why does my dad wanna move me to a fully public japanese school to "immerse me fully" when all its gonna do is get me picked on behind my back, make me lonely, and make me hate living here even more than i already do. I dont even know why i still wanna live in japan when i know living in germany would be better for me. I know my dad wouldnt come maybe im holding onto him or i just dont want to live with my mom because in the past that was messy or maybe i dont want to leave the comfort of tokyo temporarily filtering our all the things i hate about living here in this moment even though in general im unhappy here but moving would mess things up too much and i feel like no teenager should have to make such big decisions and feel like it decides the whole future of my life and my mom is gonna move to berlin and i kinda dont wanna live there if i do move back i wish i could stay with my grandparents and they would be happy to take me but i know my dad wouldnt allow it and say no and only make me live with my mom if i told him i wanna move back. I was 10 years old when i found out we might move to japan and i loved japan at the time only knowing it from the 3 times i was there on vacation having no idea about my possible autism making life harder 4 years into the future or thinking about complicated thoughts and social dynamics or really anything at all or how i would feel ashamed and judged for writing this right now in class knowing its not an actual waste of time but the teacher views it very possibly as one and therefore as me not participating again and then as me not wanting to be here which is largely true. A start to improving my life in my eyes is to switch to a fully big international school where english is the main language but i know its expensive as hell and if i dont do good there and hate it there i would be wasting my parents money and time etc. maybe moving back to germany is the best also sorry for writing this much i just think alot and now i feel like i have wasted half of the class writing this having no idea what is happening anymore. Now we are watching whats in my point of view random japanese comedy? Its a fat guy with sweaty glasses embarrasing himself wearing a colorful tie like why? And he is wearing what looks like a school outfit but i can clearly see he is sick of his job and performing or atleast i would be if i have to put up this nerdy looking character every day. Everyone around me is laughing and i have a completely straight face. Im getting a shiver down my spine everytime everyone laughs like as if im cold. my dad keeps asking me if i dont like it here as if thats a crime and im too scared to tell him i hate living here for most of the part and maybe thats because i dont apply myself to learn the language enough but why would i try to learn the language of a country where i dont wanna be even if i know it would make my life here so much easier? No reason exactly. Now i found the paper everyone was using for the test but i feel like a complete dumbass now because i had no idea where it was and wasnt sure if i can talk to other people without getting in trouble to ask them about it and for me all the papers look the same. Its like if i give my classmates 10 german written papers without them being able to read 15 out of 26 german letters and they try to find the right paper while not knowing wether to speak or not or ask others. I started writing on the paper but i didnt realize wrote in english now i have to restart and re write in japanese or atleast try. Ok the second japanese class started and i got this on loi loi note. What am i supposed to do?? Im so confused. I tried to translate but its too hard for me and the people around me told me to talk to the principal so i can get help in a seperate class or something to learn basic kanji etc. the idea of living in germany again still isnt my favorite but im starting to kinda find it a good alternative to living here. Im not my dad who disliked living in japan and loves it here i really do like germany a lot and the people arent that rude, i like german food, and its a stable relaxing life.