I’ve wanted to do this for a while so here goes.

I think I can finally say with confidence that I am Queer. It took me a very long time to get here and I still have a ways to go but I’ve figured myself out a bit. I’ve come to the realization that I am on the Asexual spectrum. Don’t know exactly where but I don’t really care for micro labels personally. It was really difficult never having a random crush always made me feel like I was falling behind or broken. Kids at my school would be taking about girls and what they liked or what kind of sex they enjoyed, I always hated being the one guy who never talked about that sort of thing. I had begun to figure myself out when a classmate asked who I was attracted to and I said I didn’t know, he looked at me like I was crazy and even asked if I was attracted to animals (because obviously we are all attracted to something /jk).

I don’t think I feel attraction to looks at all really, I care if the person looks good but it isn’t what I base my attraction off of. I generally need to know the person first to develop feelings too.

It sucked not just having crushes like everyone else, I have a preference for the fellows and it was and still is very difficult to be friends with a guy friend and start to develop feelings but never be able to express them or have them reciprocated. I really wish someone had taught me about asexuality before I had to grow up with it feeling broken. To some degree I envy people who are just gay or straight because everyone assumes that we are automatically attracted to someone and it’s just treated as a default.

All in all though it is kinda nice to be able to go through life without always worrying about relationships or at least being able to hold off on getting into one without much effort. It also has a side effect of making me panromantic due to my near lack of interest in anything but personality. Relationships can be so much more than what’s between someone’s legs and I’m glad I’m not constantly worrying about that like others might. It’s freeing to not feel certain emotions and not being prone to certain distractions.

Thanks for being a place I feel safe in Cyberspace.