Fallen(?)ambition

On ig didnt so much review as iust document and frame i feel I Burnt out on reviews long ago when making money offit
But it makes me wonder about ambition
Like, where did that go? Did it die? Was it replaced? Or do i still crave to be recognized for the written word? Deep down
Cause at one point, that was everything to me
And that obsession seems so distant
my heart was broken. No.
I kinda hung up writing part way thru my americorps contracts. No. after that.
The monastery

I was like really rapping before i went in
Studying under one of del the funky homosapiens childhood friends
Not long before i went to the monastery, i spent the night before climbing a mountain, by drinking henny with Phatlip of Pharcyde. Just trading tales and rhymes.
But when i came out there, i just... couldnt write rhymes any more. My heart wasnt in it

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think two things did that to me. One was) living with the nuns. And learning all that they had sacrificed for the Dharma. When the only donation i had to make was the gold ring i kept around my neck on a rope. When I left that place I felt that I had to amass SOMETHING akin to a fortune (not literally: but something I could call MY empire/life) if I were to ioin the likes of buddha in sacrifice
In a sense, it seemed like it was time to grow up some.

Two) I REALLY was about that dharma. I mean i was beforehand. but previously i was also ABOUT a lot of shit. My art was mixes of much esoteria. But with a mind only for dharma the only tales i could spin were awfully one note
I guess i wonder now that my faith is... somewhat dead, and i again have spent many hours steeping myself in culture...
Should i try rapping again?
Or writing again in some capacity
But maybe working backwards is wise. The last writtens were bars. Might be easiest to step back into that boombap concious nerdcore shit