limits and limitations

maybe it's my american blood, but it's so hard for me to accept any disability in myself. if ability comes from willpower, and willpower is just really wanting to do something, disability shouldn't exist in the first place, right?

the idea that i have no limits, that i can do whatever i want, has been paralyzing more than anything, because it feels as if there are infinite wrong choices, and one perfect life i'm terrified of missing out on.

so terrified it keeps me inside, alone, to deny and reject things that might draw me out, tempt me onto one of those wrong paths

i've learned to cherish this life, but the things i'm comfortable with don't make me happy anymore, and they're not something i want to keep investing my time in (video games, I'm talking about video games)

the people i love are the most important thing in my life, but you wouldn't know it by looking at how i act. i stay away, not wanting to mess up these friendships that i spent so much of my youth desparate for.

i want to love and accept myself for who i am, but i also want to change. and that contradiction makes it hard to trust myself