Introduction-Part 1

I was challenged by @maxine to do an introductory essay about myself. So this is part 1 - Introduction

So here it goes.

I’m lunar_probe, a normal average joe with IT background and work 9-5 in an office.

Before that I was a maratime vessel engineer working in mechanical and systems integrations.

Now for the other side of me that not too many knew, accept my current SO.

I am a suicide survivor, domestic abuse survivor, broken to pieces, and hollow inside.

Here’s a short version of my history. Few years ago I was married, have 2 kids, but the marriage is hell, I got beat up and can’t do anything about it as I was living with her parents, I also got cursed on for being poor and not enough. But I stayed strong just for the kids. I don’t care what happened as long as I am there for the kids, given them enough when I don’t.

But then.. After 8 years. I found out that both of the kids aren’t mine, but from 2 separate guys, I was broken to pieces, I just packed up and leave, with the confused looked on the kids still seared in my brain to this day. That’s the day I became hollow. I became soulless, broken and demon taking over my thoughts. I become wild and neglected my life, with a few incidents almost killed me.

Long story short, I survived just because of my current SO, she arrived like a beacon in the sky guiding me, lifting me up through the heavens.Though this soul will never be whole again, it’s enough to get by, moving forward, even though I knew it will not heal, It is just enough to keep living.

Now I am doing well, after 9 years since the divorce, I closed that chapter of my life and ploughing forward, getting better jobs, stable income, married to my current SO who, saved me from my demonic thoughts, and I dedicated my life to her.

I know I still haven’t heal since that day, the numbness is hurting, the broken soul still missing a few pieces. But I have a new purpose, I will dedicate myself to others so that they will never experience what I felt. I will try to survive and moving forward.