The Journey to become a Philosopher King - "Wayward Ambitions Part 2"

Roughly 15 Days ago I made a post detailing some....rough patches I have begun to experience and reached out to the community for wisdom and I did. I received that wisdom and walked into it, but now the Journey has reached an interesting point. I was told that what I have done so far was good (this wasn't directly said but it was implied via subtext) but that to really build the trust I would have to essentially take the Instructor Courses and I must pay for them myself, and even if i DO pay for them I would be in a more assistant role rather than a Leadership one. A part of me is slightly shifted by this, considering I spent months formalizing a course and working with multiple other orgs to try to build out one giant curriculum we could all follow, though do not take that the wrong way, I also think it is 100% Just and Fair despite what I feel. While I dislike it, id be remised and foolish to say it is not something I would've done nor would I call it an unwise decision made in haste.

The issue I have run into now is necessarily how to move from point B. If you've seen my other long form post before that I mentioned how much my rent is, and I'm expecting to see a $20 hike in that price come October, and the job search has yet to produce anything of true substance. Just to attend the events they mentioned I had to attend I had to dip into using my rent money to pay for the Gas, ensure I had food and etc., and had to borrow money for the Cookout they held and only brought Beer and 2 bags of chips. To be quite honest it truly is an act of God that I managed to somehow pay my rent or bills this month, but I had just enough that the last actual bit of money I have was able to cover the rest of my credit cards, Leaving me with roughly$0.24, at least for the meantime.

I don't want sympathy nor am I looking to complain about this. This sadly is a bed my elders have laid for me and the one that I have for now so I must endure it in some sense. But when it comes to at least my idea of leftist organizing, I think there should be some understanding. As I mentioned in my last post, I was more than blunt and apparent about my financial situation and was quite open without going in to exact details, so the idea of trust being broken is from my end is understandable but I don't think the root of it is actually being seen, from the absence of information being passed on about my role, to the lack of a structured and formal process to differentiate leadership from casual volunteer work, these are all things that played a part in how things played out.

I think it is interesting however (although surely foolish) that they see a desperate need for the NRA Certification despite it not being required to be a trainer in our state. I could maybe understand if we were doing Armed Security for events and etc. but as far I can tell that would require more than an NRA Instructor license and would require State given Certifications and registration of the org or at least a part of the org as some form of private security company which would hand the org a License. I had explained all this to the other trainer but as I ponder here I doubt this was told to anyone higher up and its quite sad because the course which I know someone who is willing to teach me for free, is way more valuable in its skill than the NRA is. It would actually give us a formal background in how to teach (whereas the NRA Certification only tells you WHAT to teach, theres a difference trust me) which is vital considering we are working in marginalized communities. Anyway this post has been long enough. Given the situation I once again am seeking the community for help. What do you think? How would you move from here?